Sheik's Book 1
by Zeta-326
Summary: Announcing: A riveting new play filled with drama, adventure, love, betrayal and DOUGHNUTS... well maybe not doughnuts. Farore tries her hand at directing. The cast: well, just be glad it's not you.
1. Chapter 1

**hi, i don't own this. so, don't act like i do. also, if anyone knows why the world is round, will you let me know? i don't know. Also also, if you are reading this and not the story you should stop and start. okay, i'm done for now: thank you ChaosMaiden07, you rock my socks, and I love noodles too. Enjoy and review. be nice, cause the world is round... i think. (also also also: sentence #2 is awesome!!!)**

Chapter One.  
A little misunderstanding,  
And deliberate.

As the first rays of dawn fell upon coccos, their shriek echoed between the stone walls of Hyrule Market. Citizens grumbled as their sweet sleep was untimely smashed by their shrill calls. And when the bustle had only just begun to fill their lives, no one bothered to notice the young girl who poked her head from the Temple of Time. Her face turned up in a mischievous smile, watching, waiting... utterly amused.

Five seconds later, she was bored.

So, she decided to play.

She skipped lackadaisically up the dirt path toward her favorite playground.

---

Link fell hard onto his back, his breath fleeing him as his ribs crushed beneath Sheik's foot. "I told you,"

"I-I-I'm sorry. I j-just wan-, I mean... I was just..." He coughed as Sheik added more pressure. Link wheezed slightly. "I was just... curious,"

"I told you," Sheik repeated, his voice steady with venom. "To stay out of my room." He enunciated each syllable clearly. "So, why would you risk your life? What was so important?"

Link swallowed, and thought. He said quickly: "Zelda, she dared me."

Sheik raised his visible eyebrow and chortled. "Really?" He paused, waiting for Link's death request.

"Yeah..." He said, unsure (obviously, Link had never dealt with an enraged Sheikah before).

The mysterious sentinel threw his head back and let out a bark of laughter. "And how, my dear hero of time, would she be able to give such a request: she has been meeting candidates."

Link look up stupidly. "There's an election?"

Sheik sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "No, you duce. For marriage."

"WHAT?!?!?!"

"She is the princess." He studied Link's face, bemused by his prey. "What? You thought... she would marry... you?" His voiced peaked at the end, a questioning stare at the man at his feet (this was too easy).

And for the sake of time, Zelda walked by right now.

"Sheik," She said, curiosity peaked. "What... are you doing with Link?"

Sheik turned, suave, to face the princess. "Ah, your Highness." His foot was still effectively trapping Link. "Did you by chance give this... wonderful (sarcastic) hero permission to go in..." His eyes lazily drifted toward Zelda's door.

"No." She said simply. "Why?"

"Link claims that you did. And guess where I found him..." He trailed off.

Neither man could brace himself for the wail that fell from Zelda's lips. "WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?" She gasped for air as the word closed. "You. Were. IN... There?" Her brow raised significantly with each word. "How dare you?" She began to pant. "Why would you violate that privacy?" There was hint of tears in her voice. "It's......... room." She was so squeaky Link could not make out the words.

"I just wanted to know." He said innocently. "I was just looking. Why? Is there something important in there? Is there something you don't want me to s-" The light flickered in Link's brain. "Wait. Wait a minute. You... and, and... Sheik? WHAT?" He pushed Sheik off and stood. (Which later he realizes, that should not have been as easy.)

"I don't care if you ARE the hero of time! STAY OUT OF MY ROOM!"

Link stepped back, "What're you so mad about? I saved the world, I think I deserve a look."

"I said: I DON'T CARE IF YOU ARE THE STUPID HERO OF THE NO-GOOD TIME!!!"

"Oh dear," a small voice echoed. All eyes looked at the young dainty child.

Zelda realized that, as a princess, it was highly unbefitting of her royal stature to be yelling at a ruffian with no morals.

Link realized that he was setting a bad example by inching his hand toward his sword.

And Sheik realized he had never seen this child in the castle before, and that he was getting a bit hungry.

The girl, however, was not looking back at them. Instead she was observing a thick book in her hands. "Gee, I really wish-" She, then, notices them and blinks. "Oh, hello. Do you live in the hotel, too?"

"Hotel?" Zelda repeated. "This is the home of the royal family of Hyrule. I am the princess."

"Oh, well, congratulations. Me, I like to think myself some sort of goddess. A creator, say... of living things."

Link and Zelda exchanged baffled looks. Sheik's eyes narrowed on the book.

"Where did you get that?" He asked.

"In there." The girl pointed to an open door behind the group. "I'm sad though, because I don't see the pictures, and I don't like the words." She pouted and her eyes widened.

Link's heart melted. "Awwww." His expression became one of a love-sick bull-calf.

"That is soooooooo cute." Zelda squealed, her head cocked to the side and hands rested on her cheeks.

Sheik faked a coughing sound. "Duce" He coughed.

The girl peered at him. "Are you ok? Perhaps, some water?"

"No." He stated. "But, I do want to know what, little girl; you are doing with my book."

"Your book?" She looked at it, surprised. "Well, I didn't think a man like you could read."

Zelda looked at the floor. "You'd be surprised at what he can do." She murmured.

"Oh," Link spun to face her. "And what does that mean?"

"Nothing, he just knows how to do lots of stuff."

Sheik glanced at her and said, "That doesn't explain why she has my book."

"Well," She frowned. "I like this story in here."

"You said you couldn't read." Sheik pointed out.

"I said I didn't like it. That doesn't mean I can't." She smiled. "You seem not to like being nice to people, but I think that you are entirely capable."

Sheik grumbled. "Fine. Just give the book back." He paused, thinking. Then, "Please?"

The girl beamed. "Awww, see, you're still alive."

He held his hand out for the book.

"But," She sighed. "I really like this story."

Sheik shook his head, taking the book. "Well, if you like it so much, why not make a play out of it. Then, you can watch it any time you want." He suggested, innocently, of course.

The girl jumped in excitement. "That's the most scrumptious, brilliant idea you've had your whole life!"

"Excuse me-"

"Now," She ignored him. "All of you will gather your friends and make Robin Hood into an amazing, spectacular play for me to watch on our birthday."

Zelda looked puzzled. "I am the Princess. No one can command me but my father, the king."

"I out rank him," She giggled. "By a long shot."

"He is the king." Link said. "The supreme ruler of this land."

"Except for my family."

To amuse the child, Sheik sighed: "And what would be your name? Then we can introduce you to the king, and show our... proper respects."

"Oh, I didn't tell you? Oops. Nayru told me to always mind my manners."

"Nayru?" The three questioned.

"Yes, my big sister. I am Farore. Nice to meet you."

The three gaped.

"Now, introduce me to your king, and we can start the casting. I think it would be best if I directed, seeing as I have the most experience. And, you Hyrulians have no sense of Theatre and it's significance to life as you know it." She paused, then: "Plus, I like bossing people around."

The tree still gaped.

"Won't this be fun?"


	2. Chapter 2

**Installment 2: Swedish meatballs are good. And if you think otherwise, then the world is flat and so are you! (not really, I just think that it's weird not to like them) When you decide to stop reading the bold, let me know, cause then I'll stop typing, Thank you ChaosMaidien (not VaosMaidien) because you share the meatball theory. I require money if i wish to own it, however i don't own it because I lack the money to do so. However, this idea is property of Zeta, who is me (my real name yes, no, maybe... it could be anyone's race! and their off: hananananananananananhumnanananananananahunanananananahumnananananananan**

**Chaosmaidien07 hits head  
Stop that, my computer desk cannot take more abuse!**

Chapter 2.  
You can't reason with her,  
At all.

"I am Farore. Nice to meet you."

The three gaped.

"Now, introduce me to your king, and we can start the casting. I think it would be best if I directed, seeing as I have the most experience. And, you Hyrulians have no sense of Theatre and it's significance to life as you know it." She paused, then: "Plus, I like bossing people around."

The three still gaped.

"Won't this be fun?"

---

Zelda stood in front of her father and courtsied. She cleared her throat. "Daddy, may I speak to you?"

The king smiled. "Of course, darling." He placed his papers on the side and folded his hands neatly on the desk. Out of the corner of his eye, he spotted a green shirt within the purple curtains. His smile broadened, so they were going to ask for his blessing, were they? He would allow it of course, Link would make an excellent consort to Zelda. He had the people's love; it would take a little coxing from himself to get other candidates to agree, but he would do anything for his only child.

"Daddy I have uh..."

The king practiclly beamed, "Say no more, my dear." He stood and gropped at the drawers of his desk. "I give you the blessing of the royal family. I thought it was about time, the entire kingdom will rejoice at such a happy occasion. Did you want money dear? No expence shall be too great. Here, here, I have for you-"

"Daddy," Zelda swallowed, blushing.

"Oh, my rose, no need to be so modest." The king rushed to the front of the desk and wrapped his daughter in a bear hug. "I know, I know," Zelda felt tears fall onto her gown, a soft sniffeling in her ear. "You," His voice cracked. "I know..." He repeated. "It so..." His voice was barely a whisper. "Beautiful."

A slight groan filled the study, the hint of acute pain accompanied it.

The king's voice deepened. "Link, I know you're there." He reached into the curtains and dragged Shiek out. There was a stunned silence as the king searched for words. "I- y- w- t- j- p-..." The he sighed, returing to his daughter. "Whatever make your heart soar, my angle." The defeat in voice made Zelda cry out:

"No, Daddy!"

The king's eyes brightened. "Yes?" (hopeful)

"That's not what I wanted-"

The king put his hand on Shiek's shoulder. "All is fair in love and war, Shiek. You just happened to lose." His face showed remorse, but the glee in his voice did not convince anyone, "Just think, you can babysit their 3258 children. I even have their names here for you, so you can start memorizing them before they come." He pulled a long parchment from his desk. "It starts with A."

Shiek took the list thrust into his hand and looked at the first three names: "'Adormikai', 'Aha', 'Ameritintatin'... What?" Shiek reached behind him and dragged Link out by his scruff. "Look at what you do to me boy?"

"HELLO, future son-in-law!" The king said. "One day," He grabbed Link by the arm and pulled him to the window overlooking the vast kingdom that was ruled by his family. "You will rule over all this land."

Shiek scoffed "We're doomed," and turned to Zelda: "Take Gannon! Please! Save me... I mean us... I mean Hyrule, yes, Hyrule... Save Hyrule! There is still time to evacuate! I'll sound the alarm! Every man for himself, survivors: meet on Courscant!"

Zelda took the scroll from Shiek's hands and smaked him hard on the head. "Wrong universe, Shiek."

Link and Shiek exchanged looks and, for perhapse the first time in their entire lives together, they agreed on the next action: they bolted toward the door: they didn't make it.

A tall frail man stood in their path, his cane whipping out and smacking them to their knees. "Are they for me?" He said, his voice a hoarse groan. "How thoughtful! I'll take care of them, your majesty, no problem."

The king frowned. "Zelda, do you know this man?"

"I have suspicions."

Shiek moaned. "It's Farore."

The king blinked. "Who?"

Link groaned. "It's Farore."

The king sighed. "Who?"

"Seriously?" Zelda looked at him.

"No, I just wanted to see how many times people will say it."

Zelda sighed. "Why do I have to be related to you?"

The king approached the visitor, asking: "Are you the... goddess (questioningly) Farore?"

He answered ceekly, "Yep." He looked down, "Oh, right. Shhhhh, I'm in disguise. I'm directing the play of Robin Hood. And I don't want people to know I'm me..." He nodded approvingly at himself.

Link grumbled. "I would have never guessed." Only to recieve a hard stick to the arm.

The king clapped his hands together, "That is marvelous, I loved that book when I was little, but it had no picutres."

Forore smiled, "I know. That is why my new Present made the suggestion of doing the play version."

The other two glowered at Sheik.

"So who will be in your play?"

"These three, and a few unexpected enteratiners." He lisped sarcastically.

"Do you have the characters? Costumes?"

"No." He squeeked. "You'll provide them."

"Oh, I will, will I?"

"Of course. You promised. The blessing of your family, a kingdom-wide celebration, decorations, money and, my favorite part: it's limitless." He clapped, drawing out the final word. "Amaizing."

The king blinked again. "But that was for Zelda's wedding."

Farore laughed. "You think this olf would marry your daughter?" He poked at Link with his stick. "He's mine."

An awkward silence fell between them as they digested the fact that this old man was not an old man and that this thought should not sound creepy at all, but no matter how is was phrased, it was still not cool: an old man should not want Link. (age is a big factor here.)

Farore continued as though everything was dandy in happyville, which resided next to joyland in the kingdom of bliss which live on the universe plane of too many creepy-happy-smiles. "So, I expect these plans and supplies to arrive tomorrow, along with my children who will perform for me," pause, "And my sisters."

"When is your birthday?"

"Tomorrow."

Everyone gawked. "Tomorrow?!?!?!"

Farore smiled again, "Oh, oops, see my day is worth two of your days, so in two days. Now, MUSH!" He poked Link with his stick one last time and exited into the wall.

They watched the mostionless object for several seconds.

"I can't belive I got hit a dozen times by an old man!" Link said.

"I can't believe this is all my fault, I never do anything wrong!" Shiek said.

"I can't believe I have to pay for this!" The king said.

And Zelda turned to her father, frowning: "I can't believe you thought I was going to marry Link, then were mad because you thought I was going to marry Sheik, then thought that I was going to marry Link again, then decided to make Sheik my babysitter of these supposed 3257 children I am apparently going to have, which are already named stupid names like Akmindimaperhticapoopooya, whereafter, you proceeded to tease these stupid and idiotic blondes into repeating themselves because they don't know any better and they are not bright and I hate them!"

"3258." The king said mildly.

"What?" Zelda was still fuming.

"You said that you would have 3257 children, but you're gonna have 3258 children... Link jr times 21. He was going to be my favorite..."

"Oh, well...!" She threw her hands up and pounded her father's desk. "Now that we have that settled!" She rested her head, face down on the corner.

The king's face grew into a smile. "So, you are getting married?"

"NO!" She barked.

The king shrugged, "I am paying for this..."

Zelda calmed slightly. "No, Daddy. No."

"But... eventually?"

"Yes Daddy. Eventually..." Her voice, however, was uncomitted.

There was an omniscient giggle that filled the room. It was a giggle of an old man. And everyone got chills. The giggling died down quickly (because it was a short giggle).

Shiek turned. "Sir, can we get up please..."

The king turned to the two boys who were still stuck to the floor. "Oh, you're still here."

"Yes sir... yes we are." Link said.

"Well get up, why are you not preparing for the play?"

"You mean we have to?" Shiek frowned, standing straight.

"Yes, because I am equally interested in your bafoonery."

The three groaned. "Great."

"Now go get ready, tomorrow will be a long rehersal!"

The three walked out into the hall. "Well, that went well." Link sighed.

"Maybe we can talk her out of it!" Sheik suggested, hopefully.

Zelda turned and shook her head. "You can't reason with her, at all."

**now the phone is ringing so i end the typing. review, because it's nice to do (hey, that rhymes!!!)**


	3. Chapter 3

**There is something in this world that happens that we all know happens, and that is miscommunication, and when miscommunicaiton happens, people become confused. and that is not what this chapter is about, so that would be a miscommunication, right? This chapter is a tribute to my version of unmiscommunication between friends/fellow living beings. or not. i really don't know what do write up here, but people always seem to be writing author notes, maybe i'll stop soon. here's some special thanks to ChaosMaiden, watching this awesome movie is awesome... yupity-yup-yup. i don't own it or anything, but read it anyway. enjoy**

Chapter 3.  
We are doing this,  
because I said so.

"Now go get ready, tomorrow will be a long rehearsal!"

The three walked out into the hall. "Well, that went well." Link sighed.

"Maybe we can talk her out of it!" Sheik suggested, hopefully.

Zelda turned and shook her head. "You can't reason with her, at all."

((The following three segments occur simultaneously: at the same time, told from the omniscience of Forarer))

---

Forarer:  
"The following is an internal dialogue of Link's contemplation of the situation while he is sitting in Hyrule Market munching an apple."

Head:  
This is a really hot day, and I seem to be annoyed by- that dog, I hate that dog. You should go find a skulliwalla and get eaten. *sigh* I hate this day. Stupid ribs being bruised. Why couldn't he be like Gannon, weak and powerless. *Pfft*!... This apple is good. Crunchy, I wonder if I have enough to get another one. Maybe even buy one for Zelda. She'd like that. This one reminds me of her cheeks, rosy and soft and smooth. Maybe if I kiss it... NO! That's the princess, idiot! I can't do that to her, or her in apple-form... Oh, there's that couple that always kiss- maybe one day that would be me and Zelda, only not so publicly of course. I like my lady to be discreet. Only who would she kiss if we did that play? She surely would be Marion, the pretty maiden. But who would play the hero? I would expect it would be me. But then, Sheik is so suave.

Left shoulder:  
Of course I'm suave! Better ladies man than you, anyway. At least I can save my love interest.

Right shoulder:  
Oh, don't listen to him. He's only being jealous. You look so good in that green tunics, and he has to cover half his face. He's probably really ugly.

Left shoulder:  
Is that so? Well then look at this!

Right shoulder:  
And... If I were a mirror, I would be shattered.

Left shoulder:  
But your not, therefore how about a smooch!

Head:  
Hey! This is my head! Get out! There is no flirting with my imaginary girlfriend while I am around in my head to see it!

Forarer:  
"Link smacked his left shoulder and passersby stared."

Left shoulder:  
Smooth, dude. Real smooth.

Right shoulder:  
Stop being so mean, you meanie. You'll save me won't you?

Head:  
I want another apple, I think I should get one. But I don't think I have enough money...

Right shoulder:  
You must keep up your strength. My beloved, gorgeous hero.

Left shoulder:  
You're only thinking she's saying that because it's your head and you're in dying-love with her!

Head:  
So! I can make her think what ever I want... as long as it stays in my head, or else she'll kill me... what if she plays the sheriff of Nottingham? and I'm one of the Merry Men who gets killed! Won't that be weird, and a coincidence. I wonder what she'll say if I say I don't wanna do this? She'll probably kill me, again.... again again.

Left shoulder:  
Her! be the Sheriff? Well, she would be good, I mean, dainty, but good.

Right shoulder:  
How dare you! Watch me throw my harp and my stupid fake angle wings at you!

Forarer:  
"Link ducked his head out of the way and more passersby looked at him, and that mother with her son conveniently walked the other direction."

Head:  
Not cool! That's my head!

Left shoulder:  
It's empty, why do you care what we put in it. If you wanted to use it, you would have already.

Forarer:  
"Link picked up his dagger and jabbed it at the air above his shoulder. Again, passersby stared and the shoppe-keeper nearby decided to close up for the day (even though it was still early)."

Left shoulder:  
Common you can't even beat an imaginary me? I guess I'm just that awesome

Right shoulder:  
Come on link you can do it, sheiks just got a puny little dagger!

Forarer:  
"Link finally imagines Sheik on fire and Sheik just stand there completely unfazed. Zelda then hugged and kissed Links nose. Link proceeded to blush and several people moved further away, thinking he might be contagious."

Right shoulder:  
My hero! I'm sure after the play goes well and your the hero that my daddy will be so pleased. you could even propose to me after the play or in front of everybody, and I'll accept of course and then we will get marred and live happily ever after with our 3258 children all named after you and one daughter named after me and daddy will be so pleased that he will grant the wedding to be on the same day and the goddesses will grant us there blessings with Naryu officiating of course and Forarer can be my flower girl! won't that be so very, your dream come true.

Left shoulder:  
Excuse me while I go vomit.

Right shoulder:  
Link my love!

Left shoulder:  
You have got to be kidding me your going to dress up like a pansy, terrorize the entire nation with your tone deaf ness just for the sake of a miniscule chance that this might actually work?

Right shoulder:  
Of course, (tiny voice) don't you love me?

Head:  
Yes, I'll go tell you right now!

---

Forarer:  
"The following is the thoughts of Princess Zelda as she sits alone in the garden finishing the book Robin Hood."

Zelda:  
This is definitely not as bad as I thought it would be. I honestly thought it would be men and men and men, but this Marion character is really something. I hope I'm her when we get castled. Oh, I think I feel somewhat excited in some sort of way about this play. And this Robin Hood, he's so wonderful. I love the scene at the end, it would be so lovely if I were Marion and he were Robin Hood. Oh, how lovely would that be? It would be so lovely. Yes, lovely. Like these roses. And we can ride off into the sun set! I hope I don't fall off the horse, that would be embarrassing, I think I would turn pink...er, pinker. Is that a word? Oh well, if not, I shall simply command that it be put into the Hyrulian Dictionary. Yes, that shall be my decree! As my first act as Queen, I shall make Pinker a word. Yes. and the definition shall be "the shade of a person when they fall off a horse." Of course it won't do to have them specify it was me, or the date, for the day I get married shall be a day that all will know and love. Therefore I shall be married in secret. And none shall know, not even the groom shall know! Ha! That shall be how things shall be. Yes, I will speak to Forarer in private and we shall know by days end if I shall be married.

---

Forarer:  
"The following is a list I found on Sheiks desk. I'm afraid to enter his mind."

Ways to get out of situation  
(share with Zelda once complete- minus the killing)  
9) burn stage  
1) leave Hyrule forever and live my life out in a monastery  
5) leave Hyrule and don't live my life out in a monastery  
4) kill Link  
8) kidnap Zelda and then kill Link  
3) tell king that Sheikha do not act as buffoons for others pleasure then kill Link  
7) invite Princess Ruto  
6) lock king in room  
2) Tell Nabooru about money in treasury, let her steal it, then take and torment Link with 3258, no 3259 children named... god knows what  
99) wear new clothes  
61) drown Link (iron boots and green tunic: it's the perfect crime)  
35) hide master sword  
34) send Navi to torment all and Link  
78) lead army of re-deads onto castle and retake Courscant castle  
03) burn Link  
57) stage war  
26) set pack of wild wolfos on market and escape in the midst of the upheval and live out my life in a monastery, just after I kill Link  
32) set pack of wild coccos on market and escape in the midst of the upheaval and live out my life in a monastery, just after I kill Link  
59) start snowball fight (if not winter: start mud fight, if not rainy season: throw paper at people until they die of paper cuts)  
81) invite Link over for tea then kill Link then live out my life in a monastery

Forarer:  
"I don't think he can count, though."

---

"OH! I'm so glad you all decided to come visit me this evening!" Forarer called out in glee. She was standing in the Temple of Time watching the three approach her.

Link looked baffled: "I'm not here to see you, I wanted to talk to Zelda."

Sheik punched him: "Not before I do."

But Zelda ignored them both: "I need to speak with you Forarer. It's of the utmost importance and privacy. Please."

The three began to talk at once, each beckoning for another's attention, trying to cut the others off, the escalated into a shouting match that echoed between the stone walls of the Temple. Forarer watched from behind

the Spiritual Stone, a smiled on her face: a broad face of a middle aged woman with creased lines on her brow and crows feet around her eyes. "Oh, I'm so glad you're all on board with this. It's good to see the

excitement in your faces. Thank you for doing this for me!"

"I'm not doing this for you!" Link protested above the others. "I'm doing this for Zel..." The room quieted. "Zelocroptical lenses. I need them to see, and if I do this I'll get them for free...?"

"Well, I'm doing this because I have a brilliant idea for the end, and I must speak to you about it immediately!" Zelda folded her arms.

"Well, I'm not doing this at all." Sheik frowned. "What's the matter with you guys? Am I the only one against it?"

Again the three started arguing at once, none reaching their point.

Forarer remained pleased with the sight. That is, until Sheik said several foul words toward the play idea that shall not be repeated for this audience (you're welcome).

The goddess, upon hearing these things, flew down upon the warrior-idiot and changed her face to resemble that of a devil, flames rising up from her shoulders. She screamed into his face: "We are doing this!

Because I said so!"

Sheik stared at Forarer and swallowed hard. "Yes ma'am." He sank down and looked smaller.

Forarer returned to her previous form and smiled. "Good. Now, I will see you tomorrow and we shall begin our play preparations."

Zelda stammered: "But Forarer-"

"It's a brilliant idea, Zelda." And she walked through the wall.

And Zelda felt her heart soar.

**please review.**


	4. Chapter 4

**We here at Zeta Writers not-so-Incorporated apologize for the delay in the updating process. The reason/excuse is that school is an evil institution that requires us to write for classes, not for this story/site. It is my understanding that some people actually enjoy reading this story (for reasons that I am still not understanding) and because no one reviews!!! (hint hint hint) I don't know what people REALLY think of it. So, we here at ****Zeta Writers not-so-Incorporated continue out saga of mayhem and maladies. Enjoy and REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW (because it makes me feel special!!! (and that does not me you, ChaosMaiden. You helped write this, DON'T say it was good, because I know what you think of it.))**

**-no she doesn't-**

**hehe, chaosmaiden**

**sigh, you are strange...  
**

**would you really want me any other way?**

**no... ****enjoy my loyal readers of doom!!! (or not.)**

Chapter 4 It's an unforseen Whammy...ies

Forarer was awake. She was immortal, she didn't ever sleep much. So she decided to wake her employees early. At around 1am, she decided that it was time for daylight savings time to end. So, at 2am she thought to fastforward it just a mite (tensie, tiny bit). At 3am, Forarer waited patiently for her friends to come to her for their days work. 3:01.10.4am, she was tired of waiting.

Link releshed in his pillow's warmth. Such sweet depth of cozy slumber. Lollypops and Zelda dolls drifted in and out of his thoughts with nothing to worry about but the next doll. He hummed contently as a Shiek doll drifed past his vision with it's face smiling with adorable maliciouness. It's evil, yet somehow irresistable, giggle taunted all the Zelda dolls away and just as he left, Shiek smacked Link with the final lollypop. Link felt utterly alone and whimpered. Tears flowed from his eyes and covered his body in salty depths. His body could not find the will to breathe, he coughed and wheezed and struggled for the life of air. Suddenly he fell, far, all the way down- tumbling and tumbling down into icy, merky depths and he sank lower and lower into this watery grave until he thuded onto a surface.

The hero of time flung his eyes wide and looked toward the sky. And it shimmered, a lot like that one time when he remebered what happened when he drank too much of that potion that crazy lady sold him for all his dang wallet... stupid lady!... the blue waving back and forth making him utterly dizzy. But he still could not breathe. And then, an annoying red clock appeared in his right vision... it was annoying and made a really stupid, irritating (Navi irritating x2) cranking noise. And the numbers got smaller (or so he thought because without Navi this boy can't read). And as he observed these numbers, he heard a muted call, of his name (he assumed) and he turned around to see bubbles form above him and the waves push him back. Out of these bubbles Shiek materialzed. He was in a sitting position, arms crossed his chest looking annoyed. Link did not view this as anything out of the ordinary, until he noticed Shiek land on the floor of the water: Shiek bonced... on his head. Yes, folks, Shiek was argrily sinking up-side-down... yeah.

A second flow of bubbles raised above Link and he saw pink coming toward him. Zelda's hands waved viloently as she attempted to swim and she finally stabilized herself. She peered around the water, bobbed up, then came back down to look again. Link became confused and shouted: "What's going on?" But it came out "Bwhahhahab bginggbb bbbooobnnb" and he saw the little timer in the corner of his eye skip numbers. And the druation of his stay in the water was contained with the following observations.

Zelda looked at Link, seemingly worried with cheeks resembling a chipmonk- a really pretty one... all pink and blonde... and pink. Then she turned to Shiek and began the following motions. First she waved from Shiek to Link. The tormentor did nothing but shrug, still up-side-down. Then Zelda viciously jabbed a watery finger at him, a neon colored nail shimmering in the early light- sparkly, Link thought and returned the finger to Link, giving the Shiekah a purposful jerk of the head. Again Shiek looked unphased and bobbed along the floor some more. The princess frowned and shouted through the water "bbbbshbiebk" having to almost immediatly resurface for air. When she came back down, Shiek was watching her with amuzment. She once again gave the previous motions, jabbing a finger (almost violently) at Shiek then at Link. Shiek put his arms to his head, looking like a person attempting yoga, signifing "what?". Zelda pointed at him again, this time she waved her arms doggy paddle style (nearly flipping herself in the process) and then pointed at Link, thereafter giving a lifting motion. Shiek shook his head and re-folded his arms. Zelda scowled and glared at him. Finally, in one swift and decisive motion, the princess put her hand flat out in front of her then, fisted, the other pounded onto it, her foot stomped onto an invisible floor of water. Shiek finally nodded, still looking unphased and slightly detatched, and swam over to Link. He hoised the hero of time onto his shoulders, kicked off the bottom and easily floated upward.

Link observed the last number count down on that annoying red clock in the corner of his vision and just as zero was reached, Link broke to the surface. Zelda floundered over to him and grasped his neck.

"Oh, I'm so glad you're ok!" She said. "I-"

The hero did not hear what she was due to the fact that he was being strangled, but also that his head had slipped under the water yet again. Seconds later he was pulled back up, dry land finally benieth him. He was dragged several feet then dropped like a rock. Link coughed and wached Shiek walk some ways then return. Zelda was just coming out of the water, breathing heavily.

Shiek came and knelt by Link, worry almost evident in his face. He leaned down and Link's heart fluttered (was Shiek really going to be... nice?). Shiek brought his hand up and cuffed Link's cheek, holding it up. "Oh, good." He said intoned. Link focued on his face, or eyes... eye... yeah... eye. Shiek brought his other hand up and- fisted Link right in the mouth.

"AW! What'd you do that for?" Link coughed.

Zelda came running and wailed: "NO! Don't Hurt Him! Shiek?"

Shiek stepped back, looking innocently puzzled. "What do you mean? You told me to."

"What? No, I didn't."

"Yeah, in the water, you said:" He mimmiced the gesutes of Zelda, by putting his hand flat out in front of hin then, fisted, the other pounded onto it. "I can punch him if I get him out of the water. And technichally, I can kick him too." His boot struck Link in the side. "And now, we're even."

"No," Zelda pushed him away and knelt by Link. "Why are you so mean to him?"

"Because you said so."

Forarer came down and sat on the tree above them. Her hair was up in a tight bun with a painter's cap tossed on. Black threads encased a thin figure and the godess giggled. "So, this would be like... selective interpreting?" All three looked up. "Quite masterful of this art, aren't we Shiek?"

Shiek beamed. "I got an A++ in that class."

Forarer beamed back. "Now I know I love you."

Zelda stepped foreward and asked politely: "Why are we here so early in the morning?"

"Well, first of all... it's like nine in the morning... well, if you want to get specific it-"

"No we don't Forarer." Shiek snapped, then added kindly, "Just answer the princess' question please."

"FIne. We are here for the... (trumpets play fanfaire from heavens)... AUDITIONS!" The final word echoed with god-like awesomeness- well goddess-like, but you get the picture. "And look," She pointed to the far shore. "Here come the others."

The three turned and watched the distant mob run toward them.

"Um, Forarer," Link said. "Those are Guerdos."

"No they're not."

"Yes they are." Zelda pointed out. "Look."

Forarer gasped. "NO! They can't be here. They'll tell my sister!"

Shiek climbed up the tree and sat next to the goddess. "You know," He mumbled. "Link is quite popular with these women. I'm sure if we sent him over, they would be occupied for quite a while."

"Do you really think?"

"Oh, yeah."

"I'll ask him." Forarer was about to slide down the tree when he stopped her. "What?"

"Link likes to fly. So let's let him fly over there first class."

"Wonderful idea. So nice, always thinking of ways to help others be happy. Especailly this Link. You two must be such close friends." She smiled sweetly then slid down, Shiek in tow (muttering "you have no idea").

Link was sitting, unsuspectingly, watching Zelda dry her long lustrious locks in the sun. Suddenly two hands grabbed his shoulders and stood him up and grabbed his heals. Shiek's voice sounded: "Now put your back into it. One... two..."

"Wait, what are you-"

"THREE!"

Link flew through the air, behind him Forare's sweet voice sang loudly: "He's flying- flying-flying-flying, Look at him way up high suddenly here he goes, he's flying, he's flying!"

He landed with a loud and painful and obnoxious and hard and not soft thud on the grass by that old creepy man who lives by the lake that takes samples and tries to go deeper (Zeta: "You know who I'm talking about, seriously, what is up with those teeth!" ChaosMaiden: "The scientist?"). Sorry, back to the story...

Link landed and this is the dialogue between Shiek and Forarer during the next scene:

Shiek- "You know, they may not see him, how about a nice sign."

Forarer snapped her fingers and a sign appeared over Link. It lit up bright periwinkl with two large arrows pointing down at Link.

Shiek- "What no message?"

Forarer- "That costs me money... 5 cents for every text... common man, that's just robbery."

Shiek, pleased- "Oh look, they've spotted him."

Forarer- "Oh, Link! Get up!"

(Link rose and began to run away, screaming. thunk, thunk, thunk, thunk, etc)

Forarer- "Why doesn't he take off his boots, they're only slowing him down."

Shiek- "Yeah, um, it's Link. It's not exactly the brightest hippo in the river."

Forarer, ernistly- "What's a hippo?"

(Silence while watching Link run)

Shiek- "Wanna make a bet on who will catch him?"

Forarer- "Ok, who's your vote?"

Shiek, smirking- "Naborru. You?"

Forarer, pointing- "That one."

Shiek- "That's Naborru."

Forarer- "No the one behind her."

Shiek- "Oh, ok. Well, how's about... a hundred."

Forarer- "Deal."

Shiek, watching Link- "Oh, there he goes through the daisies again."

Forarer- "I hope he doesn't squash the poor bug over there." squish "Aw, poor buggie. Now we have to bury it."

Shiek- "Um, I think not."

Forarer, distracted- "Link, watch out for that-" bang, ooo, tree "tree..."

(background monkies druming the theme to George of the Jungle- An ape named Ape... ah, good times, good times. And if you haven't seen that movie- SHAME ON YOU!)

Shiek- "That was weird."

Forarer, to sky- "Stop making us do these weird things!"

Zeta- "No. You know it's fun."

Shiek- "Are you fighting with narrator? Cause that definately didn't work in Gerorge of the Jungle, what makes you think it would work here?"

Forarer- "It was worth a try..."

ChaosMaidne- "And this time, there's two on us!" (Laughs manacingly, then more humerously, because she can't stop... Aw, my sides hurt)

(sorry, back to what you care about... I think...)

Shiek- "Man, those people are weeeeee-ird!"

Zeta- "Well, you are acting how I tell you, so what does that say about you?"

Shiek, grumbling- "Oh, yeah..."

(Ok this time for sure, back to the story.)

Link continued to run back and forth and back and forth and back and forth and back and forth and back and forth and back and forth and back and forth and back and forth and back and forth and back and forth and back and forth and back and forth and back and forth and back and forth and back and forth and back and forth and back and forth and back and forth and back and forth and back and forth and back and forth and back and forth and back and forth and back and forth and back and forth and back and forth and back and forth and back and forth and back and forth and back and forth and Shiek got bored,

Shiek- "Forarer, could you put a wall there?"

Forarer, snapping- "Sure."

Link runs into the wall.

Shiek- "No, not there, there!"

Link gets back up and runs into wall again.

Forarer- "Better?"

Shiek- "I was thinking a little farther."

A third time.

Forarer- "Ok, how's that?"

Shiek- "Perfect."

They watched as Naburro gained on Link. It seemed that she would get him for sure. But just as she was about to touch his tunic, the other girl took first and tackled the hero of time to the ground (before hauling him off.)

Shiek reluctantly passed over one hundred rupees not even needing to ask how the goddess won.

The rest of the day for out lovely Linkey was spent in the tortureous company of the Guerdos. When he finally returend, Link saw no one and nothing at the lake- as far as the wall went, it was empty. He walked over to the island, tired and warn out and saw a lonly paper nailed to the old tree that stood there. It read (or so he assumed becuase, again, he could not read.)

CASTING LIST:

Sheriff of Knottingham.........Naborru  
Sir Guy.................................Link (! sob)  
Prince John..........................King Zora

Maide Marion.......................Malon (what... yay?)

Robin Hood..........................Sheik ~take that link... (WHAT)  
Little John............................Mido (How'd he get here)  
Mudge..................................Impa  
Will Scarlot...........................Ganon (He's Back)  
Allen of Dale.........................Ruto (No, not her again)  
Sjaq.....................................Zelda (ooooo)

Dinner..................................Owl (YESSSS!)

Key.......................................Navi (Only if she gets stuck)

King Richard.........................Durana  
Queen.................................a Great Fairy (She left the fountains?)

Villagers who are terrorized  
Saria  
Soldiers (Finally, my revenge)  
Raru  
Talon  
Indigo  
Great Faries

Secondary aray villagers who are terrorized  
Poes  
Deku Tree  
Dark Link (He must DIE)  
Fierce Dity (Who?)

**SURPRISE!!! or maybe not so much. any way, for got to mention that i do not own: Zelda, George of the Jungle, Robin Hood or Peter Pan. But, it was fun... REVIEW.**


	5. Chapter 5

**So... yeah... um... so, um... hey guys. It's been a while. Like a year and a half... how's life been? How's the family? That's good. Funny story: ZnsI apparently wrote this, like a year ago, and never published it... funny, right? Well, we are on Spring Break right now, so there will be more postings, promise! ChaosMaiden, thank you for helping me... I think...**

**I know it's short, but it's cute. Please review... and let me know you are alive after all this time!  
**

Chapter 5,  
Happy birthday or else

Forarer's Recap of the events thus far over two days of mayhem and mischief:

Well, I wanted to go find a happy birthday present for my sisters so I came down to Hyrule and and peaked around and I found myself mysteriously drawn to a book in this guy's room. I read the book, but there were no pictures so I walked down the hall to find someone who would read it to me so I could paint the pictures. Then one of my friends suggested so kindly that we make it into a play. insert little girl laugh And so, we talked to the king and he said that he would pay for EVERYTHING! Isn't it so nice of him? I think he's just swell who says swell anymore? anyhow... I think the king should shave, but that's my personal opinion. I think we should let Din light it on fire, but then he would have a burn on his face and that wouldn't be nice to look at, then again he may actually learn not to grow beards... not that he would have a choice anymore, but the principle is the same, insane, but the same... close but no cigar. I don't smoke, and there's a good reason for it- IT IS YUCKY! If my boyfriend smoked, I'd dump him faster that trees dump their leaves in fall, which takes almost as long as that sentence did, if you think about it, it takes the whole darn season for them to loose their leaves, so maybe I shouldn't use that allegory, but the principle is the same. How about: I'd dump him faster than Shiek would drown Link. Yeah, that sounds right. Wow, talk about digression. Back to the original thing: In chapter three, I entered people's brains and found out what they were thinking. I found out that Link was a douche, or rather it was confirmed. I realized Zelda's dream to marry the man of her dreams, that's redundant, talk about stereotypical D.I.D's. And I was able to foil all of Shiek's attempts to ruin the play because he stupidly wrote a list and left it out for the whole of Couriscant to read. Then in chapter next... aka 4, Shiek and I fulfilled the dreams of several strange women who came running at us. Link killed a bug which he was later reprimanded for- wow, big word. Then there's the part that I didn't tell you about: the rehearsal. It can be summed up in 3 words: sabotage, fire, glue. Shall we recap: After Link finally got back from those people's homes doing Goddess knows what (and yes, I am a goddess, I know. What happened, you ask? It is none of your business!) we began the preparations. Someone cau-shiek-gh tried to destroy the costumes by replacing the fabric glue with other, more firy glue. The whole place went up in smokes and all the people's hard work was ruined. In order to save the time of having to rebuild it all, I just magicked the sets and costumes to the right places and then, for some reason, all the people were mad at me. Apparently they were frustrated that they had spent all day working their tails off in order to get this done, only to have it all burned down by the stupid Shiek then only to find out that I could have just poofed it up in a second. For the record, no poofing noise was made when I created the set, it was more of a loud bang and crash and the pieces fell to the ground and then there was a rumbling like a thunder sound and then it was there. No poof, just bang, crash and boom.

Face, meet palm.


	6. Chapter 6

**This Chapter is called 6a because it is 1:00am and ZnsI is exhausted due to sugar depletion. Thank you for your patience in our lack of updating, and we hope you enjoy this next installment of this wondrous concoction that we call a story.  
Do not own: Zelda, Star Wars, Toy Story, Legend of the Seeker, Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Robin Hood... unless there is a huge twist at the end of this story... which there won't be. :'(**  
**Thank you to NobodyAtAll, an anonymous reviewer, who gave us a good idea that we here at ZnsI are grateful that we were able to use and hope it is to your satisfaction.**

Chapter 6: The Long Awaited... Play?

Sheriff of Nottingham...Naborru  
Sir Guy...Link  
Prince John...King Zora  
Lady Marion...Malon  
Robin Hood...Sheik  
Little John...Mido  
Mudge...Impa  
Will Scarlot...Ganon  
Allen of Dale...Ruto  
Sjaq...Zelda  
Dinner...Owl  
Key...Navi  
King Richard...Durana

Forore stood on the stage, beaming at her sisters in the audience. The clear crisp sky shone upon her on this wonderful occasion. Nothing could make this day go bad- nothing. nothing. nothing nothing... With these thoughts, Forore turned to the side stage and saw Sheik playing oh so nicely with Link. He smiled so joyfully as he stood over Link, axe raised. And Link practiced his cowering for the play. Forore thought to herself that it was a good thing that he had gone to the bathroom before the play... though it would have been nicer if he had used a toilet. She honestly hoped it would dry before the play started, because that would be embarrassing... for her, though this new side of Sheik was sightly more enthusiastic about performing this play than formerly usual.

The goddess called for attention. She had chosen this day, the form of a man clad in black and a cap... she felt so emotionally charged when dressed as a dying artist. "Ladies and gentlemen... and a king... and the two most bestest sisters in the immortal world that I know, I am proud to present on the this glorious day a ravishing play, both riveting and another big word that I can't think of right now. This superfulous acting of these fantasamatic people will cause you to feel splediferous!" Her voice boomed throughout the theatre and pierced the actors skulls.

Sheik had climbed his way up to the balcony, a noose around Link's neck, and dangled his enemy over the edge. When he heard Forore's words, he paused in his work. His grip loosened and Link thudded onto the stage next to Forore.

She looked at him, "Um, Link... what are you doing?"

"I fell," Link coughed. "What are you doing?"

"Talking..." Forore sighed. "We're not supposed to start yet."

Sheik jumped down from the balcony. "I'll handle this." He said and pulled Link offstage.

"Well, thank you..." Forore beamed. "I have no idea why people say you're rude and selfish. You've been nothing but kind to Link."

Forore returned to audience. "Please enjoy this marvelous rendition of "Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrobin Hood And His Merry Men!""

For the sanity of all involved, please take note of the play bill, which is conveniently located at the top of this document. The narration of this play will be using the names of the actors, rather than the characters... for sanity sake. if you are confused, refer back to this play bill at any point in time. If you can't figure it out, that there is no hope for you and you should probably not read the play. Sincerely, ZnsI... but I hope you can figure it out... it makes the rest of the story make SO much more sense.

SCENE 1

Curtain opens on a scene, Durana and Sheik are in a tent, war clad and dirty.

Durana held his head high. He spoke loud and obnoxiously: "This War Will Never End!"

Sheik sighed in damusment. "Yes it will, King Richard the Lion Heart. Because this play will eventually end."

"Yes, But Until It Does," He boomed over dramatically, "This War Will Never End!"

Sheik blinked. "That makes no sense, King Richard the Lion Heart."

"But Robin Hood, Lord of Locksley and the Earl of Huntington, Should We Not Continue-?"

"That would only prolong the play, King Richard the Lion Heart." Sheik droned.

Suddenly, and without any prior knowledge on the part of the participants, a strange shadow enters the tent which is on a stage. This shadow moved in the shadows and eventually made it across the room to where the two Men of England stood. And then, suddenly and with prior knowledge on the part of at least ONE participant, Sheik tripped the shadow... delightedly.

"Oh no..." Sheik groused. "I have stumbled upon a deadly assassin whom I have never seen before, and who I will never see again... oh dear. What will he do now that he is in the tent with the King of England, Richard the Lion Heart? Shall I kill him?"

The shadow stood. Durana backed away, overly terrified. "Robin Hood, Lord of Locksley and the Earl of Huntington, This Assassin May Kill Me. You Must Kill Him First."

Sheik stood and the shadow drew a knife and advanced upon Durana. He thumped over and pulled the shadow back by the neck of his robes. "Be gone, you monstrous fiend." And fled because he was convincingly terrified of Sheik.

Durana beamed at his savior. "Oh Great Robin Hood, Lord of Locksley and the Earl of Huntington, Thank For Saving My Life From That Very Real Assassin."

Sheik shrugged. "Because you were in real peril, King Righard the Lion Heart. The script says that I would give my life up to save yours. I don't see why... I wouldn't, but that's just me."

Durana took out his very real looking cardboard sword (which was sort of bent in the middle because he used it earlier to cut melted butter. Din, about this time, looked down at her toast and wondered why there were bits of cardboard sticking out of it) "Robin Hood, Lord of Locksley and the Earl of Huntington-"

"You keep using that title... I don't think it means what you think it means."

"What Do You Mean By That, Robin Hood, Lord of Locksley and the Earl of Huntington?"

Sheik paused, "It's not my place to argue with you, oh Lord of Dunderheads. I will not presume to lecture such a rock-brain like the King of England, Richard the Lion Heart."

Durana: "You Presume Much. I Happen To Like Lectures!"

Sheik: "You don't pay me enough to lecture you!" His voice began to raise.

Farorer stepped onto the stage. "Um, guys," She said, "Improv is good, but now is not the time."

Sheik: "You don't pay me enough to Improv!"

Farorer frowned. "I'm not paying you at all."

"Exactly!"

Farorer's frown grew angrier. "Back to the script, Robin Hood, Lord of Locksley and the Earl of Huntington!"

"NO!" Sheik said loudly.

Farorer, in her rage, picked up a spare copy of the script that had conveniently been placed near her and threw it at Sheik. "Yes!"

"Fine!"

"Fine!"

"Fine!" Durana added.

Farorer left the stage and the play continued. "Such enthusiasm," She mumbled happily. "I'll have to curtail that."

Durana sighed. "Robin Hood, Lord of Locksley and the Earl of Huntington, With This Sword (and at about here, Din figured that she rather liked the taste of cardboard toast with jam) I Symbolically Cut The Binds That Keep You Here In This Strange Land. Return To England And Be A Wonderful Warrior There."

Sheik blinked- "Finally." And he trudged off the stage.

Farorer looked down at a copy of the script and found several pages of it were torn out.

SCENE 2

Sheik knocked on a door and Malon answered it. "Hello Lady Marion. How are you this fine day where the sun is out and shining out your face making you look sweaty and other possible insults."

Malon smiled. "Robin Hood, Lord of Locksley and the Earl of Huntington, It's good to see that you are enjoying this as much as I am. But, I must ask, why are you here, for it is written in the script that I do not know why you are here, even though everyone in the audience and on the stage already knows what the answer is."

The crowd laughed enthusiastically.

"How was that funny?" Sheik asked.

Malon pointed to Indigo who was holding up call cards. "He thinks this is a sitcom."

Sheik turned back to her, "Actually, can I get a cup of sugar? And I need some rope and an axe."

"Why?"

"I'm making a cake for Link- I mean Sir Guy of Gisborne. It only makes sense because he is an indubitable friend of mine and I know he would never ever do anything to make me be homeless or angry at the the government of this land." And Sheik coughed.

Malon sighed. "Of course, Robin Hood, Lord of Locksley and the Earl of Huntington. Here," She handed him a cup filled with a white grain. "I don't remember which of these buckets hold the sugar and which came from the apothecary."

Sheik smiled. "That's fine, you're a true friend, and only a friend. I think of you in no other way."

The audience aww'd. Indigo smiled at his success in his new job as calling-card holder.

"That was in no way romantic!" Sheik told them.

Then the set changed to the inside of Robin Hood, Lord of Locksley and the Earl of Huntington's house and SCENE 3 happens.

Link showed up at his door. "Robin Hood, Lord of Locksley and the Earl of Huntington, I heard there was a party and that you sent out an invitation to me but it got lost in the mail. I assumed that you wanted me to come and thus I came."

Sheik frowned. "Sir Guy of Gisborne, I hate you."

Link frowned. "The feeling is mutual, I assure you."

The lights dimmed and then they lightened (different word necessary but unfound). Sheik's house is then filled with various people who are laughing and talking and doing other various things that are pretty boring if you really think about it. Someone in the corner was obviously so bored that they fell asleep... or died. One of the two. Either way, at the end of this scene, they still had not rose to participate. Farorer also became bored, and threw a stale doughnut at Malon. Malon, who thought that it was Sheik who thew the stale doughnut at her, threw banana peal at Sheik. Sheik, obviously, assumed that the banana peal came from the hand of Link (even though, he was surprised that Link's aim was so accurate) and, in turn shoved Link's face in a pie. This caused everyone on the stage to pause. Someone... probably Farorer... shouted "FOOD FIGHT!" And, unless you live under a rock, I'm sure that you understand the concept and I don't need to explain every detail of every person's attempt to throw things at other people. The person who was asleep, or dead, remained asleep, or dead, though several things of a reddish brown color landed on his or her head.

One instance that I think I should tell you about is an instance that involved Link, Sheik, a banana peal and a chair- an innocent chair that was just idly standing by, waiting for someone to move it's four legs for it. This poor chair just happened to be stationed next to the culprit banana peal. This banana peal had fallen at just the right spot so that Link, trying to avoid Sheik's death grip, tripped over this banana peal and slid onto the chair. He did some sort of double back flip triple twist with a cherry dipped cone that was 3.25 at you not so local ice cream store and pushed the chair out from under him and he landed on his feet- which fell on the same banana peal that Link slipped back and fell into the strong loving and helpful arms of Sheik, who slammed him against the wall.

Because Link pushed this chair, Malon found her self suddenly sitting and sliding toward another person on the stage who is so unimportant that we won't talk about him at all, or the fact that he wasn't even a part of the play and Farorer had actually brought him over from Tatooine, and well, most people know the story from Luke Skywalker's point of view.

Suddenly there was a pounding on the door. Link froze against the wall, Sheik stopped hitting him against the wall. Malon stopped talking to the strange man from Tatooine about the love of his life dying in her giving birth to the two children he would eventually try to kill, and or maim. And this man from Tatooine tried to do something, but failed dramatically because he's winy and ought to be put in time out.

"Who's that?" someone asked.

"It can't be!" Someone said.

"Can it be?" Someone asked.

"Should someone get the door?" Someone pointed out.

Slowly, slowly, oh so slowly all the someones moved toward the door, creeping and tiptoeing loudly.

The person at the door said loudly: "Did someone order from Pizza Planet? The Zurg Special? With fried Buzz Lightyear Wings?"

And then, it was open season on the random pizza delivery guy. This poor boy fled through the Rabbit Hole from whence he came, abandoning the due payment on the Zurg Special with the Buzz Lightyear Wings from Pizza Planet.

As they gobbled down that Pizza Planet Zurg Special with Buzz Lightyear Wings, no one noticed Naborru approach them silently. She cleared her throat.

Everyone stood and screamed: "AHHH! HOT HOT HOT HOT! TOO SPICY AHHH!"

Naborru smiled. "Is that my pizza you are eating?"

Everyone paused and teared up, some from spicy hotness of the Wings, and some from the spicy hotness of Naborru. "No..." Someone ventured.

"Where's the toy? The Zurg Special comes with the toys. I want the toy. Give me the toy. I am Vaisey, Sheriff of Nottingham. I want my toy- do I share? A clue: no."

Malon held up a package. "Here's the toy, Vaisey, Sheriff of Nottingham. We apologize about the pizza."

Naborru smiled and opened the package. The lightsaber flashed open and hummed dramatically. "Mwahahahahahahaha! My collection is now complete!" She laughed. "And now, Robin Hood, Lord of Locksley and the Earl of Huntington, I am evicting you from your lands so you can feed off of the wondrous loyalty of your people and build a resistance against me and ultimately over throw me and my minions! Mwahahahahahaha!" She pointed her lightsaber at Sheik. "You are now Robin Hood, Former Lord of Locksley and the Former Earl of Huntington. Much more impressive title, don't you think?"

Link: "No I don't think-"

"We know that!" Sheik said.

Naborru: "This is why you overthrow me, and this is why Guy fails me!"

She and Link walked to the side of the stage where no one except for the audience could hear them- which probably means that everyone else could hear them too. "Sir Guy of Gisborne, I want you to follow Robin Hood, Former Lord of Locksley and the Former Earl of Huntington around until you can infiltrate his ranks, find out some amazingly useful information and then report back to me only to have yourself eventually killed by Robin Hood, Former Lord of Locksley and the Former Earl of Huntington because you betrayed him."

Link: "Ok."

SCENE 4

And for the sake of time, there is a sudden following of drunken men and women that Link was able to infiltrate, which is not difficult to do when they are all drunk all the time.

This particular drunken night, they were standing around toilets and singing and dancing: "We re men, we re men in tights." Mido poked Link in the face. "We roam around the forest looking for fights." Impa punched him. "We re men, we re men in tight." Zelda became offended because she is not a man... we think. Haven't had a chance to check. "We rob from the rich and give to the poor, that s right!" To which Zelda cried, because she herself is rich. "We may look like sissies!" Ruto becomes offended by this because she is not a sissy, and took her anger out on her husband, Link, who refuses to acknowledge their relationship. "But watch what you say, or else we ll put out your lights." Ruto covered his face and Link accidental stepped in dog-do. "We re men, we re men in tights." Mido, who found earlier that he couldn't reach Link's face as well as he wanted to, decided to kick Link in the shin. "Always on guard, defending the people s rights." Here Link failed to protect his rights as a La?" Ganon here, found it necessary to hold Link down whilst he attempted to sing soprano. If you has ever experienced a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster, then you know how Link felt. "We re men manly men, we re men in tights. yes We roam around the forest looking for fights." There was a near dog pile upon Link at this point. "We re men, we re men in tight. We rob from the rich and give to the poor, that s right! We may look like pansies," Zelda shouted loudly: "But I'm Not A Pansy!" "but look at us wrong, or else we ll put out your lights." Ruto and Impa paused, think over the logic of that statement. "We re men, we re men in tights TIGHT tights Always on guard, defending the people s rights. When your in a fix, just call on the men in tights! We re butch!" -Except for Link! Sheik said.

"I don't pay them to do that," Sheik promised the audience, who sniffled quietly at Indigo's command.

And as these strange men/women finished the 1,258th round of that song, a strange shadowey animal pet thing that might have been a muskrat, but probably wasn't because it talks, (ChaosMaiden wants it to be Pumba, Zeta thinks she means Timon. ChaosMaiden scowled and sulked) showed up.


End file.
